Growing in faith....in more than one way

Last summer my faith was tested when I let Torin go to his first overnight camp for 4 days and 3 nights. Three other couples in our small group where sending their boys, all of the same age, and I was the one who was very hesitant to do this. Torin and I have been apart many times before but not like this. Not where he was with no one that I knew and I didn't have a way to call or talk to him. Just the thought of it would make me almost tear up. I called the camp and literally talked to the person for over an hour regarding my questions. Who slept in the cabin with the boys? What was the cabin like? Were the boys ever left unattended? Trust me the list went on and on. I wish I could say that their answers made me feel more comfortable but it didn't.





I prayed about it and knew that I needed to trust God on this one as Torin REALLY wanted to go. How could I as a parent tell him "no" to expanding his knowledge and love for God just to make myself feel comfortable? Well, obviously, I couldn't so off he went. I emailed him every day and was literally the first parent at camp on Saturday to pick him up. And he was fine and happy to see me. He told me about chapel and the awesome worship songs that they sung. He got to drink diet coke, obviously not cool with that part but a small thing for what he learned. Then the question came "Mom, next year can I go for the full week?". Obviously Torin had no idea what life was like for me the past 3 nights ;)





The winter came and then the spring, sign up for Trout Lake Camp came and the question resurfaced. I will say that I was maybe a little more open to it then I had been the morning that I picked him up BUT still was not overly ambitious to sign him up for a full week. Of course the other parents were going to. I began to wonder what was wrong with these parents. I tried convincing these parents of just doing the 4 days / 3 nights again to find out that I wasn't going to win that conversation. I signed him up for the full week and he was literally ear to ear smile.





Well the Spring went super fast and June was crazy busy for us that before I knew it, it was literally 2 days until he left for camp. Anxiety set in for me. I really did not want to let him go for a week. I talked with him, calmly, saying "I know you can handle it Torin but maybe we could still call and change it to the shorter stay. You could still stay with your friends just for a shorter time." Torin looked at me with a very loving but also a too grown up look on his face and said very camly but matter of factly to me "Mom, you are going to be alright." and gave me a hug. Really? I will be alright? Wasn't he concerned about how he would do? Is he 8 or 18? I just wasn't sure if I was going to be alright. And why was he so convinced that I would be?

We made the trek up there, this year I got a ton of hugs and kisses good-bye along with even being able to take a picture. We prayed together that he would have a safe and good time and that his faith would grow. The first night there were severe thunderstorms in the area he was at, not really what I needed God, as I was about to go up there and get him to make sure he was o.k. It was at this point that I took a long breath and just prayed safety over him and anxiety to be released for me. I opened my eyes and just had a sense of comfort that he was just fine. I think through this time of Torin growing in his faith, which Trout Lake Camp really does fabulously with these kiddo's, I'm growing in my faith too. Torin is not mine, he is my son that God has provided to me but only God knows his plan. I am getting to a point that I am sllloooowwwlllly letting go to let Torin grow and experience God for himself. It's harder than one would think but I'm also growing in trusting God with him. When I picked him up on Saturday he was very happy to see me, I was kind of teary eyed but fought it back. On our way home together that day I let him sit in the front seat so we could catch up. He talked to me about what he had learned about God, the friends that he had made and shared that some day that he wants to be a counselor at Trout Lake. I guess this letting go thing, even though extremely hard, has some pretty good benefits from it. Of course he's already begging to go back next year and I think that this next year will be a "bit" easier to send him off. Not a great picture but this is Hayden, Torin

and Carter. They all were in the same cabin last

summer and hope to make it a yearly tradition of

being together and learning more about God.